Monday, January 21, 2008

warning: cloverfield detected

so.

i caught Cloverfield at GVMax last friday. having bought into all the hype and what-not prior to its release, i was pretty psyched about the movie, despite it being shot in The Blair Witch Project style.

here's how my first movie of 2008 went down (AvP2 doesn't count; i watched that on new year's eve):

1900: bought seats in the sixth row from the front (Row F)

2015: got into seats and put iPaq into silent mode

2035: badass rumbling sound effects

2125: head starts spinning from all the shaking of the screen

2210: left GVmax with a serious case of motion sickness and 'WTF' thoughts running through my brain, or what was left of it anyways

to sum it all up in the words of a friend of mine (lOi), Cloverfield = epic failure.

serious.

i've never gotten motion sickness on any form of transport and yet this dumb biatch of a movie made me want to hurl my Filet-O-Fish at the next poor soul sitting in front of me. pfft.

next up - things that pissed me off:

  • Hud is a serious whiney S.O.B. and he ought to be castrated then disemboweled with a blunt wooden spatula. serious hate for the guy here and i couldn't stop wishing for him to be one of the first few to be killed by the godly indestructible monster (more on that later). that, and his sucky camera skills.
  • above-mentioned godly indestructible monster. like, what's up with that? if you tell me that carbines and machine guns can't hurt the guy, fine. i'd accept that. tanks and RPGs can't scratch it too. oh-kaaay. stretching the limit here, but digestable too. after all, we're talking about a 30-storey mutant. but B-2 bombers can't even hurt it? no f***ing way i'm gonna buy that.

if you value your sanity, go watch something else instead.

or if you're a sucker for dizziness, do yourself a favour and watch it on an empty stomach.

*hurl*

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